| There is a girl in Kansas with a
dream. All the way through her lunch shift, she flashes those pearly whites at the cook.
Lacy, the waitress, is just dying to get hitched. She tells every patron over their hot
roast beef and side of pie. They're looking for a chapel. They just can't wait. All that
winter down the road, the interstate backed up with ice, the gutters steaming. Lacy wants
to try something flashy. Her beau, a pipe fitter or welder or rig mechanic from some grim
intersection, has promised the world. High stakes. They
pack the truck. Lacy books a week off work and doesn’t tell her mom and pop. She
wants to shout it out the windows, "We're going all the way! To Vegas!" Instead,
she fills a cooler with buns and mayo and cheese. She brings a bottle of peppermint
schnapps to keep them warm along the highway. On the Interstate west, Lacy stops for
gas-station chicken, all greasy fingers and mouths. A night in a motel. The wind and snow
against the windscreen. Then, on the I-15 south, it all melts away. She screams when she
sees her first palm tree. She can't believe all those lights.
Wanna Get Hitched?
Lacy is one in over 120,000 middle Americans just dying to
tie the knot in the city of sin. With no wait time for a license, no blood tests and 30
chapels on the Strip to choose from, wedding vows in Vegas are easy and glamorous. You can
spin the Roulette wheel, walk down the aisle and go for a dip in the pool all before
lunch. Most Strip hotels have their own wedding service delivered in Japanese, Spanish and
French. Champagne, chocolate and Elvis? Want a Star Trek alien to walk you down the aisle?
How about a pirate to swoop down from the sails and deliver your ring on a sword? Vegas
does all the work for you. No hassle! No parents! Famous people!
And if so many celebrities are doing it, how can you go
wrong? Kelly Ripa married her fellow soap star in a Vegas chapel. How dreamy! Richard Gere
married his pretty woman Cindy Crawford in Vegas in 1991. Britney Spears, Dennis Rodman,
Carmen Electra and Coolio all did the nasty in Vegas (though not all to each other). As
for old timers, Vegas has seen such blockbuster brides as Mia Farrow and her sultry spouse
Frank Sinatra. Jane Fonda and Barbarella director Roger Vadim hooked up in 1965. Elvis
married his 21-year-old Priscilla at the Aladdin. The all-Americans, too: Mary Tyler
Moore, Kirk Douglas, Judy Garland. Mickey Rooney got married six times at the Little
Church of the West! To six different dames!
Tie the Knot?
For a girl like Lacy, a Vegas wedding is like a dream. Las
Vegas has shopping galore for that perfect dress, massages and pedicures to pamper both
bride and groom. Every hotel/casino has a world-class hair stylist and makeover magician.
Most packages include a bouquet, cake and a limo ride to the courthouse for papers. The
range in locations is fabulous. The price, however, can vary immensely. Small wedding
chapels are cheap and friendly, but once your half hour is up, you’re back on the
street. Big hotel wedding consultants will provide anything… for a price. Vegas
weddings can cater penthouse or poorhouse... All you need is love!
The magic of a Vegas wedding, however, is in the details.
The clutch of roses flung from the window of the helicopter. The photo session at the
Grand Canyon, your veil loose in the desert wind. Trumpeters dressed in costume? Cannons
blasting silk streamers? The Ritz Carlton can release a swarm of butterflies upon saying
"I do." How about wedding vows from the top of the Eiffel tower? Or in a gondola
in Venice? And never leaving America? My heavens. How about your groom getting loaded on
scotch and playing Texas Holdem with a pimp from Detroit? How about taking a convertible
rental car out to the desert and leaving his bloated body on the California line? Just
like old times?
Take a Chance on Me
What Lacy doesn't know is how marriage made in Las Vegas is
doomed to be kitsch. Even the classiest chapel in the Wynn has a time limit and a homemade
DVD. Sure, the Bellagio may time a song of your choice in their famous fountain show.
Sure, you row down the Venetian canals under a fake cerulean sky, but no number of caged
butterflies can make your wedding idyllic in such a smoky sinful city. Vegas is a
cut-throat gambling center built by gangsters and corporate gaming. Play Baccarat, win big
bucks, get a little lap dance after one too many cocktails? Sure, but a harmonious,
blissful marriage in a mall?
But the bride can get lost in the lust of it. Lacy sees the
diamonds in the Forum shops and starts to swoon. There's a chocolate fountain pouring
gallons and gallons of sweet heaven through its pipes. She picks up a pamphlet, fancies a
few rose petals for her matrimonial moment tossed into the air by Blue Hawaii Elvis and
his fake pancaked Priscilla and sees Vegas as paradise: warm wind and cheap vodka, 24
hour ice cream parlors. Lacy sees Vegas as an escape. A place where she can make her
Mastercard last all weekend. She swears that one song by Celine Dion could alter the
course of her life. And two little words at the Little Church of the West could make her
wedding day the best 30 minutes money can buy. Oh my. |
