| Las Vegas suffers from multiple
personalities. Sure, the Strip is loaded with casinos, overpriced restaurants and crowded
bars. There are lights, the odd camera, a celebrity tucked behind a VIP sign and a massive
security agent. The monstrous stucco mega-resorts contain the inevitable: high stakes
tables and free watery drinks. But fundamentally, the enormous resort/casinos are just
like giant gaming malls: the Egyptian mall, the Parisian mall. After a few trips to the
Strip, most seasoned gamblers are looking for thrills off the tired old Las Vegas
Boulevard. So where do locals get their kicks? What sacred and secret events are the real
stars attending? Sex, Sleaze and Punk Rock 'n' Roll
Vegas loves girls. Not just ordinary girls, but grrrrrls
(the prancing around, partially nude, bad-ass, sweet-tongued types, performing America's
new favorite strip art: burlesque). The most popular Vegas burlesque act, the underground
Babes in Sin, insist that their act is "all tease, no sleaze." Indeed, their act
is humorous, hot and dirty - all the ingredients for a first-class show in Sin City. And
in a town where exotic dancers are taken very seriously, burlesque artists have been
elevated to pop star status. Babes in Sin girls are no exception, from voluptuous Cha Cha
Velour, to lovely local Penny Slots, to the Polynesian pretty Hula-la Kamaiwanaleia.
Babes in Sin's next show, and perhaps Vegas' biggest
off-Strip event of 2008, is the Punk Rock Bowling Tournament hosted by BYO Records. Rowdy
and raucous, this all-day, all-night affair is no beer league. Players take their strikes,
spares and studs very seriously. Teams travel from punk rock's farthest reaches to
participate. Most important are the many kickoff and after-parties, complete with rocker
bands, cheap cans of Blue Ribbon beer and the nicest tattoo showcase this side of NYC. The
hippest venue and most stylish lounge in Vegas, the Beauty Bar, hosts the official
after-party, complete with martinis and manicures. Located on Fremont East (the seedy
part), the Beauty Bar is home to the official punk-rock king and queen, a giant outdoor
stage and Vegas' infamous "Withdrawal Wednesdays."
Rocktail, Anyone?
So where are all the fantastic lounges in town? That
sumptuous spot promising 24-hour happy hour and video poker? Vegas is home to the best
bars in America. On the Strip, you can buy a $17 Jack and Coke while a block away, you get
the same thing with a straw for $1.50. Same booze, slightly different clientele. Voted
first place in the Las Vegas Reviews' 2007 "Dive Bar" competition, the best
carpet joint in town is the esteemed Champagne Café. Originally designed to satisfy the
desire for bubbly at any hour, the Champagne Café is a real class act. With velvet walls,
leather booths and real Rat Pack karaoke, the Café serves the meanest Bloody Mary off the
Strip.
Other dives, of course, come complete with Vegas sluts,
slots and scumballs. Voted "Reader's Choice" by Vegas locals, Double Down is a
real sleazy joint, covered in graffiti and filled with dirtbags. The sign above the bar
says, "You puke, you clean." Other such establishments include the Stage Door,
tucked in behind the Flamingo, with a sign that says, "Twenty-eight years left on our
lease!" It's the kind of place where the bartender (direct from Hooters in New
Jersey) isn't afraid to tell you to buy another drink or "eff-off." It has its
own mini-mart filled with prostitutes. My advice: Buy a beer for a $1.50 and take it to
go. Cardinal rule: Don't eat the hotdogs.
Ahem, Did You Say Sex?
And yes, Vegas is full of super creepy sex and swingers'
spots. Perhaps in its purest form, the nearby nudist hot springs are popular with the
take-off-your-clothes-in-public crowd. Just off the highway, a mere 40 minutes from Sin
City, are the Goldstrike Springs. Locals enjoy the rigorous hike down the canyon. Nudists
like to stare at each other's parts in steaming sulfurous baths. No pictures. Other weird
sex clubs include the swingers' bar aptly named the Red Rooster. Cuties and cocks welcome,
but you must be a minimum 21 years old and totally cool with public (and often
unflattering) displays of fornication.
So What's the Score?
Despite it all, Vegas' first real love is gambling. So why
bother with boring sex? The real ticket is high stakes gaming. The Las Vegas Line offers
everything from odds on the presidential election to Ultimate Fighting Championship bets.
Most high stakes bets, however, revolve around professional sports. Forget the dice and
cards for a while and try your hand at the Sports Page, direct from one of Vegas'
thousands of sports bars. Local faves include the neon T-Bird Bar, complete with a ticker
tape of scores and direct line to bookies across town.
Not quite live enough? Vegas offers midnight hockey! The
Las Vegas Wranglers play live at the Orleans for a mere $20 for the best seats in the
house. In the middle of the night! Considered a "farm team" for the famed
Calgary Flames, the Wranglers play games that are all balls, brawls and beers. Prefer a
little swish? Try the Thomas and Mack Arena and Vegas' home team, the Runnin' Rebels! A
sweet-16 NCAA team that will kick ass this season, the Rebels play games that are full of
loud, proud and faithful fans. Frequented by such celebs as Jay-Z and Beyonce, UNLV's
spirit runs high at home games. Wear red!
Off the Strip?
So next time you're in Vegas, venture away from the
everyday. Sure there's the giant pyramid and fake Statue of Liberty on the boring, old
Strip. Sooner or later, you see it all as a whole lot of lights and stucco. Next time in
Sin City, try the real thing. How about a backdoor dive bar? Or a burlesque number live on
location? Take a chance and step out. After all, you don't want to be just another
tourist. Or do you? |
