| The first thing you need to know is
that if you think you're a cowboy and you can just shoot from the hip and let the city
take care of you, you're sadly mistaken. Planning is essential to having a good Vegas
bachelor party. Call it controlled chaos and accept the fact that you're going to have to
do some prep work and several people are going to have to get involved and each play a
role. Coordinator
The first thing we've learned is that every bachelor party
team needs a coordinator. The coordinator oversees the booking of the tickets, hotels,
travel arrangements, etc. He organizes everything and is in charge of keeping the paper
trail. He keeps duplicate records of everything. Why duplicates? Because everyone will be
extremely drunk and susceptible to losing all of their shit.
We recommend your coordinator keep three folders with
duplicates of the following: eTickets for flights, car rental papers, travel insurance for
participants, maps and any relevant reference material for potential activities.
The coordinator is a drinking position but should be
considered a more moderate role. It's considered bad form to drink to the insane levels
the rest of the party is at, as you're putting the entire party's organization at risk.
It's a good role for anyone wanting to drink but hoping to
avoid hangover hell.
Handler
The handler has to be someone who is close to the couple.
His job is to handle the wife-to-be, to keep her from ruining the party. He reassures her
that everything will be fine and she doesn't need to worry about her husband doing rails
off a stripper's ass at three in the morning.
He respectfully asks her for her list of rules for the
party. He reassures her that they will be followed.
With this set of rules in hand, he has a plan in place to
make sure that nobody is busted when they break the rules.
The handler role is best filled by someone who has the
trust of the bride-to-be. He is sometimes referred to as "Alibi" on the trip.
Booze Guy
Self-explanatory.
Designated Driver
This job sucks, and it is best filled by a small team of
guys so that nobody has to be sober too often.
Normally, there are certain guys incapable of being on the
D.D. Team. Recognize these guys for what they are and acknowledge their strengths
and weaknesses.
Every group of friends has a guy who is just a horrible
choice for a designated driver. For simplicity's sake, let's refer to this character as
"Big Dave."
"Big Dave" can't stay sober for the life of him.
But what "Big Dave" can do is find booze in the strangest of circumstances. Take
advantage of "Big Dave's" natural skills and keep him on the booze team where he
belongs. At no point should "Big Dave" be allowed to touch the keys to any sort
of motor vehicle.
Big Stinky Van
Every Las Vegas stag requires you to rent a van for
transportation. A 15-person passenger van should be sufficient, and don't forget to
load that bitch up with every inch of insurance you can get.
You'll want to rig the very back of the van with a series
of coolers filled with beer. It's a long way from the back of the van to the front, so
you'll also want to make sure you have walkie-talkies.
The van will be known as "Big Stinky Van." This
is self-explanatory.
It's very likely that you'll need to shell out some extra
cash when you return it to the rental agency. Expect and account for this in your budget.
The "Big Stinky Van" is used to get around from
venue to venue. It's very important to switch venues several times. Recognize that a stag
wears out its welcome quickly. Accept this for what it is, and plan for it. It keeps
things from getting ugly and busting the fun.
While you are in the middle of the "Big Stinky
Van" bender, here is a bombproof technique for not losing anybody. It is stolen
directly from daycares and kindergarten daytrips. It's called the "Head Count."
The rule is simple: The designated driver must do a simple
head count before he turns the ignition of the van. If the number isn't right, the van
doesn't get started. For this reason, the only rule for stag members is that they are not
allowed to invite a non-attendee into the van. Non-attendees can ride on the roof or they
can meet you there. But they can not get in the van.
But why not just take cabs to the various venues? Because
cabs are slow and chaotic to organize for large groups and standing around waiting for
cabs kills the buzz. Plus, you'll soon come to realize that the "Big Stinky Van"
is as much a venue as the Spearmint Rhino or the Double Down Saloon.
Destination
We have learned through several over-the-top stags that the
destination is not as important as we first thought. There is no Las Vegas magic bullet
location that will ensure you a perfect stag. Remember, as long as you keep the vibe up,
everyone will be having a good time.
Plan on some unconventional activities that aren't
booze-centric. Then take booze to them. This will help keep things interesting. There are
few things as fun as drinking someplace you aren't supposed to. While this is a bit of a
challenge in Vegas, it's definitely doable.
One of our best times at a Vegas stag was getting blasted
at the Hoover Dam. If you're feeling extra crafty, bring a stripper with you. But
remember, she either has to meet you there or ride on the roof. Choice is hers.
Accommodations
Never try to cram more than two people into a hotel room.
You aren't in high school anymore.
If possible, rent an extra hotel room that you use as a
lounge. Nobody wants the after hours party in their room.
And remember, no matter how fantastic of an idea it seems
at the time... never, ever, ever, EVER... ever invite the band back to your room to party.
Ever.
We don't care how awesome your stag is or how hard you can
party, you aren't ready to party with whatever band you have just invited over for drinks.
They are pros. You are an amateur. Remember this.
Recovery Planning
You are going to get hurt. Learn from Greek mythology. To
think you won't be turned into a quivering pile of human jelly by all of your drinking is
simply hubris. So, you may as well plan for it.
When you get your beer, get a shit-load of Gatorade and
some soda crackers.
Having men go down will kill the entire vibe. The sooner
you get them back in line, the sooner you can get your stag back on track.
Gatorade and soda crackers are, in our experience, the
fastest way to get that poor bastard ready for more booze.
A final preparation that we recommend is the use of badges
that say:
My name is [Wes]
I am staying at [Bellagio Hotel]
My flight leaves [9 p.m. Sunday]
Having this information readily available for helpful
strangers or casino staff could make the difference between you sleeping in your luxurious
hotel room and you passed out in the gutter. |
