| You are the baroness of
bridesmaids. Your best friend is getting hitched this summer and you’re the BFF
reporting for duty. You’ve stayed up late gluing invitations, traded emails about the
taffeta, even decided on the other girls’ up-dos and down. But the true weight of
your responsibilities lies ahead. It’s bachelorette party season! And this won’t
be any night out, the local hunk-o-rama gas station attendant trying to dance on your
table for a twenty. You’re going to Vegas, baby. You
must show your bride buddy and her closest friends the best bachelorette party on the
planet. You need not one stripper, but a revue. You need not any massage, but a full day
spa. You aren’t designating anyone a driver, you’re rolling VIP in a stretch
Hummer. And your best friend forever doesn’t need a free blowjob shooter from a
creepy local bartender, she needs champagne at a high stakes craps table! Right?
As bridezilla closes in on her picture perfect wedding day
you need to take her and her friends to Sin City to blow off a little steam. There will be
booze (by the gallon), cute little dresses, hot nightclubs, peelers and gambling. She may
warn you of her devotion to her future groom, and insist on a few mellow afternoons by the
pool, but your bride-to-be will scream like a banshee when she sees that Sin City stripper
finally release the beast. It will be worth it.
Get A Room!
Start at the right kind of hotel. Something young, loud and
a little slutty. The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino has lush party suites for bachelorettes
and good deals on cabanas at the Rehab Pool Party every Sunday. The casino is
girl-friendly, with low-stakes blackjack and high payout slots, and there are plenty of
fun and boozy eateries like the Pink Taco. The Hard Rock also approves of late night
pillow fights, screaming down the halls in lingerie and inviting new "friends"
up to your room. They love that.
The Palms offers fantasy suites for ladies groups complete
with party area, Jacuzzi, open bar and access to their pool party, Ditch Fridays. The
Palms also offers "Bachelorette Service" in their gem of a nightclub, the Ghost
Bar. Packages include cover, VIP bottle service with hottie male bartender (just for your
table) and an incredible rooftop view of the Strip. Of course, there is easy "go back
to my room" access for those chance bridesmaids-gone-wild.
It’s Showtime!
The thrill of a Vegas bachelorette party is undeniably the
entertainment. Where else in the world are there nightly performances by throbbing
Australian peeler boys? Lucky for your lady friend, the strip shows in Vegas vary from
tame to full frontal. Some ladies don’t love a swinging wang in their faces but
prefer the sweeter, more comedic side of male revue. Some ladies want black leather, whips
and Playgirl celebrities. Vegas has it all.
You’ve seen their orange veined silhouettes on the
billboards, heard of their sizzling southern moves. Touted as the "hottest" male
show on the Strip, "The Thunder from Down Under" features the most bodacious
blokes Australia could export. Housed at the Excalibur, the Men from Thunder offer a fake
orgasm prize for the best audience member. It’s interactive!
The Chippendales, the pectoral pageant known across America
as “The Ultimate Girls Night Out,” has its home in Vegas at the Rio. Their 75
minute show parades through all the classic fantasy scenarios: cowboys, construction
workers, and doctors-- Oh my! The screaming theatre of 300 palpitating women is as raucous
as revues get; the boys play off crowd reactions, removing (almost) all. After the show,
audience members move into the exclusive "Flirt Lounge" where men from the show
serve drinks and mingle. Designed for ladies, the "Flirt" is comfortably classy,
lit with an almost post-orgasmic glow.
The Full Monty
But does your bride want more than the generic dancing boys
stuff? Sure there are the classic Vegas sleaze/strip gentlemen’s clubs, many of which
have a ladies room. Average at best. The famous hard-core strip-a-thon for ladies in Vegas
is at Sapphire (the world’s largest gentleman’s club) where the "Stars of
Playgirl" go fully nude. These boys may not be the best dancers, but hung they are,
and lap dances are offered for a mere 20 bones. It’ll make her squeal.
But we know your bride-to-be needs special attention.
Private attention. She needs a full body massage, a new dress, 25 cocktails and then
she’ll be ready. You can’t deny her this final rite of passage into marriage:
her own personal Doctor Love! She needs therapy, she needs an MD to check her racing
heart, to ensure her vitals are, indeed, pumping. She needs Doctor Love to spend at least
an hour dancing around the hotel room, removing first his stethoscope, his lab coat….
The Sin City Strippers offer hot private dancers for a mere $150 an hour. A bargain, for
that kind of personal care and attention.
Oh, the Treats
And as a last minute thought, you may want to send her new
groom home with a special gift too. The Stripper 101 classes offered at the V Theatre at
the Miracle Mile teaches newcomers pole dancing, boa moves and, his new favorite, the lap
dance. The classroom is dimly lit and serves drinks (never far from a cocktail on
bachelorette weekend!) and the teachers encourage sleazy gyrations as practice. Won’t
he be pleased on his wedding night when his new wife performs her own version of the
nut-nuzzler!
Your bride-to-be will thank you, years later, for the
attention lavished on her special weekend away. She’ll hold tight to the condom
tiara, the goodie bags, the giant blow-up pecker. She’ll keep the photos from the
scavenger hunt involving "men in uniform" and multi-colored veils. And it will
be weeks before she’ll recover from all that drinking and dancing, and she’ll be
furious for the five pounds she put on at all the incredible restaurants on the Strip.
Forget about it. The image of your BFF in a limo, wearing nothing but high heels, doing
body shots off a Chippendale’s rock hard ass. |
